Man On A Bicycle

from Stouthearted Bitch by Julia Gaskill

	/

Streaming + Download

Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

Purchasable with gift card

$1 USD or more
Buy the Full Digital Album

lyrics

Hello! It is I! Your friendly neighborhood
man riding a bicycle!
I know what I’m doing! I’m clearly in control!
Because, after all, I am a Man! On a bicycle!

And as a man on a bicycle, I feel it is my duty
to yell at you, girl walking two dogs,
for staring at your phone while you cross the street!
The nerve of it all!
You are endangering yourself! And those dogs!
Clearly, as a woman and a millennial,
you do not know what you are doing!
You are not in control of your life!
Unlike me! A Man! On a bicycle!

This is why I felt the urge to yell,
“Don’t look at your phone!
What are you doing!?”
I am so good at using words - clearly!!

And yes, I did notice that it was
eleven o’clock at night
and there were zero cars on the road
when you clearly looked both ways
before crossing the street,
and hey, maybe you just wanted to
enjoy some Pokemon Go at the end of your week…

But no! As a Man! On a bicycle!
Your safety must come first!
And I must use my words to tell you so!

Clearly you do not know the first thing about safety!
You are not wearing a helmet! Like me!
You are not sporting a flashing light in the dark! Like me!
You are not a man! Like me!

So it is my duty to impose,
because if I do not impose then how will you ever learn?
If I do not scream at you
(Me! A strange Man! In the dark! On a bicycle!),
how are you ever going to survive?
Can’t you see I’m only doing this to help you?!

So be thankful that I yelled at you!
Learn your lesson, ya stupid lady!
Learn to take control!
Aren’t you so glad that I, a Man! On a bicycle!,
was here to tell you what to do?

What would you ever do without me?

credits

from Stouthearted Bitch, released October 19, 2019

license

about

Julia Gaskill Portland, Oregon

Julia Gaskill (she/her) is a professional daydreamer hailing from Portland, Oregon. Her work has been featured on FreezeRay Poetry, Ink&Nebula, SlamFind, Knight's Library Magazine, Write About Now, and more. Julia is the author of four chapbooks, has competed nationally with her poems, runs the mic Slamlandia, and co-founded the Bigfoot Regional Poetry Slam in 2019. ... more